It’s almost been a whole year. And it sure has been awhile. This year has definitely been interesting, to say the least. I did not learn very much in school, but I’ve learned a lot in life. Sexuality is relative, as is everything else. I’ve lost someone I love very much due to distance. I’ve dated a girl. I’ve had two people I love very much incarcerated. I’ve fallen in and out and in and out and upside down in love. I’ve been run over. I got my first traffic ticket. I’ve had one of my best friends institutionalized for mental health, or rather lack thereof. It’s her birthday today. and I love her so much and it hurts so bad because I feel partially responsible for her psychotic break. I quit school, at least for the semester. I’ve broken my ankle. I’ve lost a lot, in people, in assets, in morals, in every aspect of my life, I have been knocked down, from whatever pedestal or level I was once on. I am miserable. There are few things that make me happy. I have made a lot of poor decisions. I miss home more than ever. I have been sleeping on a couch for a few months. The company I keep are either crazy, assholes, pending felons, or old people, or any combination of the aforementioned. My biggest problem is that in trying to fix everyone and everything else I have ruined myself. I desperately need to get my shit together in regards to everything. I know that I can and I very much have to pull myself up by my bootstraps because it is the times when you hit rock bottom that you realize most what matters. The world has pushed me to my breaking point, and then some and it’s time for me to start pushing back. I have broken so many times in so many places that it is a wonder I am sane (and only barely so). I recognize that while yes, I’ve been dealt quite the shitty hand, these are all consequences from decisions I’ve made, or some sort of karmic retribution, I don’t know. My family is getting along without me, as much as I want to be home and am constantly made to feel guilty about my being here. I have made some promises that have gotten me in trouble and because of the sincerity I keep in my words, I refuse to break them no matter how bad of a situation they have put me in. My fatal flaws are endless. I am still hopelessly hopeful, and I hope that is something I never lose. I may have strayed from the path I originally intended for myself, but I haven’t lost sight of my goals and my future. So, in conclusion, I am a mess, but I own it. I am done being down on myself, the only place to go from here is up. I won’t say it can’t get worse, because every time I do, the universe proves me wrong, but i have faith that it will get better, and that the only way out is through. I am coming home soon, but I am not running away. I am here, in the middle of bumfuck roanoke, standing tall at five foot two, on my broken ass ankle, saying bring it on, world, what else you got? I may have quit school but I’ve earned a degree from the school of hard knocks and I have felt the struggle and I’m gonna continue to struggle until the day I leave this shit town but I’m gonna get out, just like I always do. The end, for now, at least.